Cortisol Overload

Today was a very stressful day.

To begin with, I was already feeling unwell due to Stephen's multiple night wakings as he's been unwell too. Also, preparation for our final online assessment was very taxing as there were many things to keep checking and updating.

Then, all the technical issues came together at the very end. The system was overloaded and students were sending me private messages - I had about 20 students messaging me at the same time! (I have 83 students in total sitting for the same exam)

Even after all submissions came in (either via the system or email) - there were many loose ends that needed to be sorted. Some submissions were too late and I had to compile each case for coordinators to decide whether to accept their submission or not. I had to jot down the time each student read the instructions (thank God Whatsapp documents this) and the time their email was received. Going back and forth between three classes, Whatsapp and email can get very confusing. I was already in a daze because of the stressful situation.

Later in the evening, I felt nauseous while feeding Stephen. Cold sweats. Shortness of breath.

I wasn't sure if it was the mask I was wearing (didn't want to infect Stephen) or if it was just the overall stress.

After feeding him, I lay down and tried to do my deep breathing. Still shallow breathing.

Finally, I went up and collapsed on the bed after eating some biscuits and having my BP taken by Daniel.

Suddenly, it reminded me of the major panic attacks I had.

The first was in IPBL when I was overwhelmed with TCF stuff.

The second was in NTU when I was submitting my dissertation.

Although I wish I had better handled my stress and anxiety, I would not have discovered the loving embrace of the late Ms Angking as well as Mdm Ruth's prayers. Also, I found comfort in Theresa's patient listening ears and NIE's counsellor's calm advice.

Ok, Stephen's crying. Gotta go!