Struggling

It's been a challenging past two months.

Just one week into the year, Er Jiu's condition became critical - mum and dad came down two days before Er Jiu passed away peacefully. 

Then, MCO 2.0 began. So, mum and dad have been staying with me in JB for almost two months. As nice as it sounds, it's been rather challenging for everyone including Stephen. Nevertheless, it has been a good opportunity for mum and dad to spend time with Stephen and for him to become familiar with them. With that being said, he still is clingy and gives mum and dad a hard time when they need to care for him while I teach.

Personally, I've been having mixed emotions. On one hand, I know this is a precious chance for me to spend time with dad and mum.. as well as get some breathing space to be myself. On the other, I've not stayed with mum and dad for such a long period of time since 2013 and with them, I am my worst self.

It's probably a mixture of my perfectionism, past hurt and scars on top of me having experienced staying with different people like Aunty Sally and my in laws over the years.

Mum and dad will probably leave soon as it's been two months.. while it's more practical (so my in laws can take care of Stephen during my busy period) and the absence after two months together is needed (before we get into another major fight and disown each other) - I know I'll feel really bad when they leave and miss them.

It's so hard. I am divided. I am frustrated. I am struggling. 

Ultimately, I just want Daniel back.